Artwork Description

Before My BELOVED 4th Husband John and I, were Evicted from "Our" Old House WE Rented in Bankstown in Aug 2015... I CHANCED To FIND This MAGNIFICENT Caterpillar FEEDING on a Small, Large-Leaf Privet Sapling, that had GROWN Up, through a Crack in the Concrete Patio, Next to Our Back Porch Steps. I hadn't bothered to pull up the Sapling... because I KNEW "Our" House was Scheduled For Demolition Eventually. WE Were LIVING There on "Borrowed Time", By God's GRACE.

In TRUTH... It had reached It's "Use By Date". Was Slowly "Falling Apart At The Seams". But WE LOVED "Our" Old House, and the Over-Sized Backyard with It's Mature Trees and Shrubs, that GREW There. Along with the Gardens WE DESIGNED, INSTALLED and MAINTAINED in the 6 1/2 Years WE LIVED There. Before WE were Forced To MOVE Away From "Ground Zero", "Or Else".

This BEAUTIFUL Caterpillar was Almost as Long from the base of my Palm to the tip of my Middle Finger, out-stretched. Huge!!! Was easily AS Thick around, as my Thumb. When this Caterpillar CHANGES into It's Moth Form... It can be So Large, So Gigantic... it will fill your out-stretched Palm. Can reach the Size of a Small Bird!!! You can SEE a Video on YouTube of One That LARGE. AMAZING Creature!!! It's Called An Australian Privet Hawk Moth.

John and I ALWAYS ENJOYED SEEING and INTERACTING With ALL the Different Kinds of Wildlife that were ATTRACTED To "Our" Front and Backyards. DRAWN to "Our" Gardens, because WE Never USED Poisons... Always had Water Available for Their NEEDS, and the Yards were So Well-Established... They had NATURALLY BECOME a Suburban WILDLIFE REFUGE. While WE LIVED There... We TREATED It As SUCH. As Far as WE were CONCERNED... it was "SACRED GROUND".

This Caterpillar and It's Moth Form, is CONSIDERED To BE A "Pest" by the Australian Government. I DISAGREE. This Photo was taken 21 Feb 2015. About 6 Months Before WE were Forced To FLEE the Bulldozers that Destroyed "Our" Home, and This BEAUTIFUL Creature's HABITAT. In order to Clear That Lot, and the 3 Adjacent Properties that the Property Developers Also Bought... So They could BUILD Another $26 Million, Luxury Apartment Complex that No One Really Needed. BUT WE NEEDED "OUR" HOME.

When WE Had To MOVE... It Put US At Risk of Being Made Homeless Again... for the 3rd Time, due to Rampant Property Development, since 2007. That "Last Time" When... John and I were Forced To EVACUATE... RELOCATE... He Was Very Sick with Lung Cancer. Suffering Severe Pain During ALL That Time. Although I Didn't KNOW That Then. He had managed to HIDE His Pain from Me. He was Very STRONG. I was So Distracted Then... TRYING To ENSURE Our IMMEDIATE SURVIVAL. Although I NOTICED He was ACTING "Strange"... I was Too Preoccupied, and Overwhelmed with the NEED To Get US To "SAFE GROUND"... To LOOK CLOSER, as to WHY He was "Over-Reacting".

It took US Three Weeks to MOVE Everything. WE Couldn't Afford to Hire A Removalist To HELP US. Had to RELY on a Friend, Who Worked Full-Time... Came By to HELP US MOVE after He got off Work for the Day. Moving From Bankstown to St Mary's. Because WE Couldn't Afford to LIVE Any Closer To Where WE Had BEEN LIVING.

John was Diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer Five Months after WE Moved to the Tiny, 2 Bedroom Villa WE Rented 01 Aug 2015. I BECAME His "Official" Full-Time Caregiver from That Time, until He Died A Very Bad Death, At "Home", In My Arms. On 06 Aug, 2016. A Year and 5 days After WE MOVED IN.

In Many WAYS... I IDENTIFY With This Caterpillar, as a POWERFUL, ICONIC ARCHETYPAL SYMBOL OF "REBIRTH" AND "REGENERATION".

I've GRIEVED Very Hard For John over the Past nearly 20 Months Since He Died. I Still LIVE Here at the Villa WE Rented TOGETHER. Haven't been ABLE to Afford To LIVE Here Since He Died, After Centrelink Cut Off My Caregiver Benefits on 15 Nov 2016. But Too GRIEF-Stricken, To MOVE Out to a Cheaper Place To MAKE Another "FRESH START"... TO LIVE, Before Then. Or to Find A Job I could stand to Work At, in my Fragile, Emotional State, At That Terrible Time. So, I Began Paying 82% Of My "New Start" Benefits On Rent Alone Back Then. With Not Enough Money Left Over... To Cover My Other Bills, And Costs Of LIVING. "Trapped" In My "Pupa", even as I METAMORPHOSIZED.

Struggling to Overcome My GRIEF... and To TRY To MOVE FORWARD With My LIFE. To EMERGE, As The ARTIST That I AM... In Spite Of Everything That's Gone Wrong... "MARKED" By ALL My PAIN And SORROW. Working On My ART Extracts, Which Have HELPED Me To HEAL, During That Difficult Period Until NOW. Still SEARCHING For A "Job Job", I CAN DO, and DO WELL. That would pay me a LIVING Wage. While Trying to "JUMP-START" My Arts Practice... That "Stalled" During the "Mean" Times, and Too Many Bad Days, and Sleepless Nights.

Although I've MANAGED TO "EMERGE"... TO SAY "Ready Or Not WORLD... HERE I AM". In Spite Of ALL Odds Against. In the PROCESS Of "SPREADING MY COLOURFUL WINGS"... "DECORATED" With ARCHETYPAL SYMBOLS And PATTERNS... Waiting For Them To "DRY". Even So... I Can't "MOVE FORWARD"... TO "REBUILD" MY LIFE, ONCE AGAIN. UNTIL I CAN GENERATE ENOUGH INCOME... TO BE ABLE TO "GATHER MY STRENGTH". ENOUGH TO "FLY" HIGHER Than My GRIEF Can FOLLOW. To WHEREVER My HEART DESIRES... While LIVING In A World Without John. An "EXERCISE IN "Futility"... CONSIDERING THE TIMES WE LIVE IN?? PERHAPS. But I MUST TRY!!!

"EASIER SAID, THAN DONE"...In A WORLD Society That SEEMS To PREFER "Invisible SUNS". Where Daughters ARE "Bound, Gagged, Blindfolded, ESSENTIALLY Sterilised"... IN AS Many WAYS AS POSSIBLE, Without Them GETTING WISE, To What's REALLY GOING ON. Kept "INNOCENT". Which MEANS Ignorant, Submissive, and Compliant For The Most Part. "Homogenised"... "Domesticated". Power Less. Dependant Upon. Like I ONCE WAS. When I Was So Much YOUNGER Then. Didn't KNOW Any BETTER. Easier To "Marginalise" When DEEMED Past OUR "Use By" Date. As Many Individuals Have TRIED To DO To Me, Over The Years, That I Have LIVED and LEARNED. Now REALISE Is Unacceptable and INTOLERABLE Treatment Of ANY PERSON. Whether FEMALE, MALE Or A UNIQUE BLEND Of Both GENDERS.

I HOPE TO CHANGE That "Flawed Mindset" THROUGH MY CREATIVE WORKS... SOME DAY. BEFORE I DIE. REPLACE It With MUCH BETTER, "PERCEPTUAL FILTERS".... Than The Ones That HAVE NOT, DO NOT, And CANNOT "WORK"... Based Upon Such Insidiously Wasteful, And Destructive PRINCIPLES.

TIME WILL TELL.

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Tags#"Emerging Artist" 1, # Huge Green Caterpillar of Australian Privet Moth, # Beauty Of Nature, # Archetypal Symbol

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