There have been Many Times In My Life... When I've found it So Very Difficult to Talk, and EXPRESS How I'm FEELING, What I'm THINKING. When I KNOW I'm at a "Crossroads In Time and Space"... A "Pivotal Point". When I SENSE that EVERYTHING that IS "HAPPENING" IN MY LIFE At "That Time"... has "Hidden IMPLICATIONS", and the POTENTIAL for "Repercussions" that CAN Irrevocably CHANGE the COURSE of My Life. When My "CHOICES" ARE Few, Or "None At All" as FAR AS I CAN PERCEIVE. When it is a Matter of "As Fate Would Have It" Rather. Sometimes For "Good". Too Often For "Bad". Another "Test" To "BUILD My CHARACTER"... So I've Been Told, Too Many Times. I RECKON, I Already HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTER To "Last" Me For "Three LIFETIMES" At Least. How Much "MORE" DO I "NEED"?? I MEAN REALLY??

When Events "Unfolding", Can Alter My Life In Ways I cannot yet Imagine, or Don't Want To. Sometimes For Reasons I Know, and Sometimes Because I Really Don't Know What To Expect. Don't Know If "I" Can Survive It Physically... Or If I Can... If I Will Be Able To "REGENERATE" from Whatever "Damages" I may Sustain... Enough To Still BE "ME". ESSENTIALLY. INTRINSICALLY.
Which Is Scary. Know what I mean??

There Are Times When I Fear the Unknown. Because Too Many Times... I've Been Deeply Hurt When I Reach That "Critical Point". Which Makes Me Hesitate.... Unsure of Which Way "To Go". What To Do Or Say. Because I Don't Want To Be Hurt Again. Which Is Understandable. Given What I've Already Experienced Of Painful Events In The Past.

Like When I'm Precariously Balanced On The "Edge Of Nothing"... and the Slightest "Breeze" Of The "Winds Of Change", Can "Blow" Me "Over The Edge... To Fall (How Far Down This Time?)... Unless I Can Somehow Find The Strength And Will To "Fly" Instead. Or Manage To Grab Hold of "Something Substantial"... Stabilising Enough To Hang Onto, Before It's "Too Late". To Give Me A Chance To "Catch My Breath" and "Get My Bearings". Long Enough To Be Able To Create A CHANGE Of My Own Choosing. With Which To Counteract, Or Compensate For "Fickle Fate" and a God I can't Always Trust To Do "The Right Thing" By Me. (I Have My Reasons Why I Say That).

Or When I'm "Perched" At the "Lip" of an "Event Horizon" of Another "Black Hole". A Devastating Event That Will Destroy Everything I Cherish... Unless I Can Somehow Stop It From Happening. When I Can Feel the "Suction" Pulling Me In... To Where I Don't Want To Go. Fighting Desperately To Find "Another Way", A Better Way... In Spite Of "All Odds Against".

At A Time When I Don't Know What To Say Or Think... But Must Express Something Creatively To Let Off The Pressure Of Hopelessness And Fear Rapidly Building Inside Me. So that I Can Concentrate On What I Must Do To Prepare To Survive The Unsurvivable... To Endure What Cannot Be Endured... TO DO THE "IMPOSSIBLE" ONCE AGAIN, AND LIVE "IN SPITE OF".

I Created This Series Of Extracts, the Day Before My Beloved 4th Husband John Died Of Lung Cancer, At Home, in My Arms. When the "Light Of My Life" Was Fading Fast... Sinking Below the "Event Horizon", Into A "Black Hole" Of Death. Dragging Me Along With Him. Because We Were (And Still Are) So Deeply Connected. Facing A Fate Worse Than Death... The Inconceivable... Living In A World Without John. With Only The "Afterglow" Of His Love, To Comfort Me In The Years To Come. That I Must Face Alone, Without Him Beside Me.

Extract (05 Aug 2016) of a Hidden Abstract Pattern I "Pulled" from a Digital Photo I Made of a "Reflection", As Seen In Another "Magic Mirror" Of Mine.